One of my greatest accomplishments will eventually be paying attention to the right things, sooner.

Let me explain.

As I continue to prioritize making friends/peace with the parts of myself that aren’t easily loved or celebrated, the more I’m available to love and accept others that have the same parts.

And the more I make peace/friends with these shadows, the less people activate chaos in me.

This frees up so much space for fun, love, joy, creativity, health, because I’m busy feeling abundance and love instead of getting stuck on bitterness, frustration, envy, and anger.

That doesn’t mean I don’t feel bitterness, frustration, envy, and anger. It’s actually the opposite. I welcome them to be an active part of my life.

It’s how I know the value of the JOFO.

Enter: The joy of freaking out

We don’t value freaking out. We avoid it at all costs, including other emotions that add to blowing up in a freak out. It’s unpleasant. It’s socially not acceptable. It’s embarrassing.

I am very good at freaking out. I may be an expert? Thinking about this while watching my tiny kid freak out, I wondered, “What if I just embrace this instead of trying to stop it?”

The last time he freaked out, I asked him, “Do you want to be mad or do you wan to talk?” And that’s when it occurred to me that maybe this is a feeling he needs to get out of his body. And if we don’t sit with it and let it out, it’ll never go away.

And if that’s true for my 4 year old, is it true for me?

So here’s a thing I’ve been trying to integrate: instead of denying myself all parts of me, I am now thinking of freaking out as a very wise tool to use, wisely.
Think: Steam valve. With rules.

Don’t hurt others. Just like opening popcorn, keep your freak out of the faces of loved ones.
Don’t live there. Freaking can turn into a lifestyle, which will turn you into a bitter bebe. Move on when the steam is finished.
Let the freak really get out. I don’t have scientific proof, but not letting yourself feel a full freak out has to be hurting your mental and physical body.

Maybe it can be fun? Maybe it can at least feel good? At the very least, it could set you free.

People ask me allll the time about living in Ohio now. “How are you, really? How can you live in such a dark place after having so many sunny days?”

But I guess since I’ve made friends with the clouds, the sun always, eventually, seems to find me.

And I really hope that for you, too. One controlled freak out at a time.