There is ubiquitous advice on how to correct our chronic overworking, overdoing, overexerting lives and it’s making us all sick. There is definitely truth in this.

But last year, I attempted to apply this to my life and ended up getting really confused. I was feeling lost and unmotivated, so I did less. I canceled things. I prioritized rest. And I ended up making everything worse.

A few months ago, my friend Eve pulled my Human Design chart and I’ll never be the same. For almost 40 years, I thought I was an introvert. Vehemently thought being a homebody was who I was. What my chart parsed for me is pretty opposite. And when I decided to own that people fuel me, my life completely shifted. Everything was illuminated. Instead of meeting new people with judgment and caution, I met strangers with baseline neutrality and universal connection. I learned that people and community, the things I thought I needed to limit, are the very things that I need more of.

The biggest takeaway is that I’m a unique being. We all are. And because we are all wildly different, we need wildly different solutions. A curated look at who we are instead of using generic terms to describe us, and tell a story about who we are that can be completely outdated and limiting.

I get it: everything is expensive. We’ve got limited time and resources, so we outsource our mental health to TikTok and Instagram, our news to Twitter or whatever it’s called now, and our casserole recipes from Facebook (this is actually fine). This is a problem, because we aren’t getting good advice for our unique selves. We can’t just apply someone else’s solutions to ours. When we decide to give ownership of our problems to third parties and Instagram quotes, we’ll get very generic results. Sometimes damaging ones.

Instead of solving problems we think we have, we actually have to learn to listen to ourselves.

Listening to ourselves is an enormous undertaking. And when we are really squeezed for time, we want someone else to tell us what’s wrong. That’s the problem with applying a panacea to our life: one sized fits all rarely exists.

I actually don’t need more rest: I need more meaningful work. I discovered that there are times I can work a 15 hour day and feel incredibly rejuvenated and other types of work drain me in minutes. It’s a generalization, but those 15 hour days don’t need as much rest as those minutes of draining work where I’m not doing what I’m good at or interested in.

I have zero answers. No one does. Because no one will ever know exactly what you need. That is your job. It’s hard. And confusing. But there are tools to help.

The baby step I’m making in listening to myself is following my guts. My Human Design led me to realizing I feel a lot of things in my stomach. I have always had this ability, but because I didn’t understand it, I treated it as a problem to be cured. Now, I’m treating it as my greatest barometer. I started tracking different sensations in my gut. It’s inextricably linked to my emotions and how I view the world. Instead of a food journal, I started a gut journal.

This is an invitation to get curious about your life. Try on a solution and see how it fits. Throw it away if it doesn’t work. Make time to really listen, and find your own ears and use them. Be honest with yourself about what you need and be brave enough to rethink who you’ve told yourself you are. Maybe you’re not the same person now.

Our bodies are trying to tell us all the information we need. We just need to give it the space and time that it deserves.